Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
