someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
