Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my shit smells like andre
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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