I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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