dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
