she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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