I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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