She announced her abortion via fbk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
