dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drunk is not a location!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
