Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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