Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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