I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
