I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
