I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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