I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
