I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
