honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
