and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
