I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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