How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my poor anus
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
