genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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