I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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