I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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