I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
