So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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