Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she pinky promised me she was 18
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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