i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
