and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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