We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
