I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
