So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it glows. i had to have it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
