i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
