Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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