if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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