I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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