Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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