Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
