i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
