don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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