Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
