We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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