Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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