She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
