i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
