my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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