took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
