So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
