I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
