Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
