It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
