perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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