I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
