and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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